Lessons Learned: What We Value in Marriage

Mar 29

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Below is an article written by a dear friend of mine, Wanda Pacholok (pronounced pa-haw-luck). I’m so excited to share her wisdom with you. Wanda is an incredible woman who carries grace, strength, and a heart for encouraging others. In her remarriage journey, she has gained valuable insights that she’s eager to share. I hope you find her words as inspiring as I do.

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Wayne and I have been married 12 years, a second marriage for both of us. He was divorced, I was widowed and between us we had five kids (aged 17-21 at the time we were married).

Every marriage has its ups and downs, guaranteed. As we both had experienced some very difficult times during our first marriages, Wayne and I wanted our marriage to be the best it could be. From those previous experiences and resulting life lessons, we were determined to make choices and set values that were, as we believe, critical to a successful and fulfilling marriage. Here's a list of some of those values we cherish:

We believe that a deep and solid foundational friendship is necessary before entering into a marriage covenant. (We were friends for 10 years prior!)
We wanted our relationship to be pure before God. Our first kiss was when our pastor announced, “You may now kiss your bride!”
Wayne and I both love Jesus and He is the center of our marriage. We pray together and lift each other (and our children) up in prayer. To us, faith is crucial.
Communication is key. It needs to always be loving, honouring and respectful. When one of us is having a bad day, the other gives grace. We regularly ‘check in’. That is, we ask “How are you doing?”, and take time to listen. It is a guaranteed safe time to talk about anything that is troubling us. We jokingly like to say we do this in the car on road trips so that neither one of us can jump out! It can also be a time that we encourage each other and express our love and appreciation, even for the little things we do. Acknowledgement and thankfulness are so important in any relationship.
Wayne and I recognize each other’s strengths and weaknesses and how we can use them to benefit and help each other, further solidifying our relationship and marriage. We champion, support, and hold each other up.
Since having a blended family, it is critical that we had the same values in raising our kids when they were young, and into adulthood. We were fortunate that we carried the same values. If not, we feel that it is something that we would have had to work through before entering marriage. They are ‘our’ kids, not his and hers.
Our spouse’s family (immediate and extended) became our family upon marriage, so we accept and treat them with love, honour, and respect.
We value fun, and genuinely enjoy each other’s company, whether it’s working side-by-side around the home or enjoying recreational activities together, and with family or friends.
We try to remember to laugh, even in the hard times. We both recognize that this helps us lighten the load a bit when we’re walking something difficult.
Wayne and I unconditionally trust, love, and cherish each other deeply.
We realize that marriage takes continuous work and dedication on both our parts. The honeymoon phase may fade, but a lasting, fulfilling marriage is built by choosing love every day.