Let's Talk About What We Don't Talk About (Part 1)

5 days ago

2 min read

I learn best through stories. They help me connect with what someone is saying because I can picture it - and often, relate to it more easily. So, I’ll share a story…

Years ago, I attended a Christian women’s conference. I was mostly there on my own. I knew a few women, but they were busy helping with planning and organizing, and it was the first time I’d attended an event like that without having a “bestie” with me.

The first night was full of introductions, a few icebreakers, worship music, a message, and encouragement to get to know someone new. It didn’t take long for another woman and me to connect. We had a lot in common… both previously married, similar ages, and both in new marriages. It was easy and fun getting to know her.

The second day included a few extracurricular activities. My new friend and I laughed and giggled throughout the afternoon as we spent time together. Later, we sat down for coffee - just the two of us - chatting about marriage. And then… the floodgates opened.

She began sharing things that were deeply personal… struggles she and her new husband were facing. One of the biggest was their sex life.

I was surprised by how vulnerable she was being with someone she had just met. But even more than that, I heard the cry of her heart. She didn’t have anyone back home she felt safe talking to. She was involved in ministry, so who was she supposed to talk to?

This breaks my heart.

I’ve heard this same story again and again since Ray and I began our Hearts Engaged journey. We celebrate marriage. We aim to inspire connection. And yet, I keep hearing this familiar narrative from couples who are struggling and simply don’t know how to talk about this part of their marriage.

This is why we’re going to talk about it. Not all at once, and not with all the answers - but honestly, thoughtfully, and with care. Today is just the beginning.

Before I go any further, I want to finish this introduction by sharing what I offered my new friend at the conference.

Honestly, I wasn’t sure what to say. So, I prayed quietly and asked God to help me share what He wanted me to share. Then, I simply spoke from my heart.

I encouraged her to invite God into their situation.

Yes… into their issues in the bedroom.

I encouraged her and her husband to intentionally invite God into that space. We often pray and ask God for direction with our children, our finances, our future. We thank Him for what He’s done and for how deeply He loves us. Yet there are areas of life we assume we can handle on our own, and we never think to invite Him in.

But He is the One who created us. He understands our bodies, our hearts, and our connection more than anyone else. So why wouldn’t we invite Him to help us be loving, creative, and passionate with our spouse? His desire for our marriages is far more beautiful than we often allow ourselves to believe.