Man to Man: Leading with Love in a Blended Family

Below is an article written by a man I very much respect, and whose relationship I value. I really don't know where I would be without the kindness, encouragement, and quiet strength he’s offered me over the years. His words always carry depth, and his life backs them up.

What makes this even more special is that he’s not just a wise voice I admire - he’s my brother.

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Honestly, remarriage is hard. It’s not just about loving someone again; it’s about stepping into a home and family that already has a history. It’s trying to be a husband and stepfather while feeling like an outsider. Many times, it can feel like the role of a stepdad is just to make money, provide a house, and stay out of the way. You love your wife, but a lot of the time you feel like she and the kids have their own world, and you’re just the moon rotating around it. It can be frustrating and lonely. And if you're not careful, it can harden your heart and create resentment.

So… how in the world do you stop feeling frustration, resentment, or—worse yet—shutting down the love you have for your wife and family? It’s not in controlling your family, it’s in finding your peace in God first. It’s in having a relationship with your Father in heaven through deep honest prayer and reading His word as number one in your life.

Jesus said in Mathew 22:37, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” This is the key to loving others. Love God first, and loving others will not drain you. You cannot pour anything positive into your marriage or stepchildren if you're empty inside. That is why your time with God is not an option. It is essential - it is the “tool” in your toolbox that you cannot work without.

You can’t love your wife if your heart is empty. You can’t lead your family well if you're running on fumes. You need time alone with God. Not a quick prayer before bed, but real raw, honest moments where you lay your struggles before Him. Tell Him you're tired, tell him you feel unappreciated, tell Him you're lost in what to say or do. He can handle it. In those moments He will remind you of who you are. Not just a husband, not just a stepdad or provider, but his son - a man loved by God and called to be in this family for a reason.

Romans 5:5 says, “God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit.” When you let God’s love fill you, you’ll stop waiting for your wife and stepchildren to validate you. Instead, you will love from a place of confident strength.

Take the time to spend with your heavenly Father. Find a place, a corner, a quiet room and read God’s word and work on your relationship with Him. You will see your heart change and grow for your family. 1 Corinthians 13: 4-5 says, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”

That’s the kind of love you’re called to—leading with love, even when it’s not easy.

-Michael Wallace

*Scripture references taken from the NIV Bible.