Love, Life, and Priorities: Making Connection Count

Why did connection seem so effortless when we were dating? Ray and I would spend hours on the phone every night, sharing our lives and dreaming about the future, even across the miles. Every call was intentional, and when we saw each other on weekends, we made every moment count. We filled our time with each other—making plans, sharing dreams, and growing closer.

Then, we got married.

Finally, we were together, ready to share life as husband and wife. But our excitement quickly got buried under the busyness of daily life—jobs, family, school schedules, extracurriculars, church, organizing our home, making new friends, and adjusting to a new city. Somewhere in all that, our commitment to stay connected took a back seat.

If I’m honest (and I’m sometimes accused of oversharing!), we did a poor job prioritizing connection after the wedding. While dating, we imagined all the time we’d have once married, but life has a way of filling that time quickly.

Looking back, I wish we’d done things a bit differently at the start. A few intentional choices could have deepened our connection early on. Because the truth is, our marriage almost failed in that first year. We didn’t take the time to nurture each other’s hearts or prioritize connection.

Here’s what I would do differently:

1. Make dating a priority. Early in our marriage, people encouraged us to prioritize dating, but we got caught up in everything else: supporting our kids, being reliable at work, and organizing our home. These were good priorities, but we missed something vital by not investing in “us.”

2. Ask Ray what connection means to him and sharing what it means to me. What makes us feel close to one another? Is it deep conversation, shared experiences, intimacy, a candlelit dinner, or a walk together? Understanding each other’s needs keeps us grounded in what really matters.

3. Keep pursuing each other. Beyond just dating, I mean intentionally learning about each other. Keep asking those “getting to know you” questions and continue discovering each other’s hearts.

   
   

Connection isn’t automatic—it’s intentional. If I could go back, I’d tell myself that marriage needs just as much, if not more, of that intentional focus as dating ever did. In dating, we made time for each other, and the excitement of learning about each other grew stronger. But I’ve found that in marriage, staying connected requires a conscious choice to keep doing that—to set aside distractions, to ask each other meaningful questions, and truly take time for one another.

The beauty of marriage is that it has the potential to grow richer and more meaningful over time, but only if we choose, every day, to nurture the connection that brought us together in the first place.